A Lull

Indigo,

Sorry I haven't written. It's been busy the last few weeks--lessons with Madeleine, the rebuilding of Star-Meadow. I've barely had any time to myself. This is the first morning I've been able to sleep in for weeks.

It's going to be a nice day. The sun's out, and already the village is noisy with the morning chores. It's a little cool, and there's a breeze coming in out of the west. It's been raining for the last few days, so the grass in the clearing just south of the village is getting really tall. I think it might come up to my chest now. I like watching the wind ripple on it like waves; it makes me think of the coasts.

I'm alone in the hut right now. Wintergreen's probably off helping Rowan--she was rummaging around the hut before dawn, and she left before I was totally awake. I hope she'll be back soon. I was kind of hoping I'd get to talk to her a bit before I go out for my walk this morning. You'd be happy, Indigo--we didn't always get along, but over the years Wintergreen and I have become really close friends. She's been my shoulder to lean on when you weren't there. Don't get me wrong--I'd rather have you any day--but still, I'll take what I can get.

Madeleine gave me today off. Life in the village is coming back to normal, slowly, and when I asked around last night, nobody needed my help. I'm glad--after all, I'm exhausted--but still, it feels weird looking around and not having a purpose. Part of me wishes I was out on patrol with Ash-Blade, but I know Madeleine needs me elsewhere. I miss it, though: the long hot days out in the woods, alone; the creeping around, trying to be silent. I even miss the chafe of the leather vest and armbands. Is that weird?

She said I had at least ten years left as a Scout. So why am I here? Why did she break her promise, Indigo? I just don't get it. It's bad enough with everything else--you, Oak-Root, the Elixir, everything. But now the one thing that made me happy in life? I... It's not fair. Nothing in my life has been fair. I know, I'm whining, but I think I've earned the right to whine, you know? I want something in my life to go right for once. Sometimes it feels like nothing has ever gone right.

I'm sorry. I'm just in a mood. I know I have a lot of reasons to be happy today. I don't have anything to do, and it looks like it's going to be gorgeous out. It's going be a really nice day, Indigo. I wish you were here. I bet I'll feel better after my walk. I know I will.

Maybe I'll come visit you today.